i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
