For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
