Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
