yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
high people should be assigned attendants
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
it's like iHOP with fire
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
