I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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