bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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