The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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