I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
