so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
