I wish I could punch you in the face.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize