Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I am one with the molecules
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
