youre lurking in front of me
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
