I must be too annoying 4 u.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
