I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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