Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
