if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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