I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
