Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
she looked like the before picture.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
