An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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