fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
