No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
