Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
