I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
