I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
