So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
