Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
