I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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