I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
