I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
