My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
