Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
