one might say we're banned from that church
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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