So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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