you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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