They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
