I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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