your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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