it hurts more in the daytime
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
