allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
