My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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