The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Randomize
