I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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