Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You can't motorboat a personality
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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