I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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