U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
