i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
your like the ambassador to my penis.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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