i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just found puke in my bra..
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
