Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
