I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
