hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
