In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
