Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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