I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
