can we get nightvision for the apartment?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
