The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
