is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
