i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
