i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
