I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
