Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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