drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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