The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
