I wannas sexs uuuuu
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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