sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
