"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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