Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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