I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
We named our party play list daddy issues
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
