i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
